Last week did not go as well as I had hoped. The week before I weighed in at 201 pounds. In theory, I should have met my goal of 200 or below last Tuesday. Instead, I went up a pound. I have felt myself being under great pressure in this last week to drop over 2 pounds.

The importance of the March 16th deadline is that is my birthday. I thought what better way to celebrate than with losing 30 pounds. That would put me at a twenty-week average of 1.5 pounds per week lost. Nothing like leaving it to the last minute.

For those new to this blog, I started out at 229 pounds. I have shared my ups and downs of this journey and to be quite honest, I’ve never felt more nervous about a weigh in. I really tried hard this week.

I was allowing myself to have a dessert twice a week. Not this week. That had to go. I was allowing myself to enjoy mocha lattes. Not this week. Steak is considered a protein and one of my favorite foods. This week it has only been thin cuts of chicken and pork with a lot of salads and green veggies.

I had to stop into an office for work that was on the third floor. I took the stairs. Whenever I have the opportunity, I take the stairs. I make several trips up and down in my own home with a weight vest. I have taken bike rides and moved a bunch of stuff from our house to store in my parents’ home. Boxes of books. Some heavy, some not so bad.

I will be very honest with you. Right now, I feel like if I do not weigh 199.9 or less at my 2:00 pm weigh in, it will feel like failure. I could have done more. I tried. I really put in the work. I feel like Bill Murry in What About Bob? “I’m trying. I’m doing the work; I’m putting in the hours…”

This was an artificial deadline I put on myself. If I am not at 199.9 tomorrow, nothing will change. The world will still go on. I am the only one who will feel let down. How do I look at that birthday cake then?

Maybe I do make it. Maybe I step on that scale at 2:00 pm and I see 199.9. I will feel like I accomplished something I put a lot of hard work and effort into. You know that sense of elation you feel when you have accomplished a goal? I certainly hope I feel that.

Weight loss can come with a fair amount of anxiety. I am feeling that now. My friend David is also seeing Shannon and he wrote about gaining a pound and a half like it was a failure. I was there to tell him it would be all right. It was more of a positive for him than he thought. And here I am, worrying about the same thing.

I have some level of this anxiety every week. It has not been as bad as it is right now. But this too shall pass. I will accept whatever the scale says and either celebrate a victory or try to figure out where I went wrong and try again next week.

So, I will wish you all an excellent week and cross my fingers.

Written by: Craig Repanshek

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